"Sharon! … #$%& … Sharon!"

The venerable, if satirical, news organization The Onion reports on some of the discoveries made so far from the study of heavy metal singer and reality TV star Ozzy Osbourne's genome. Ozzy's genome contains "mumbly code that are almost completely indecipherable" as well as "a close genetic link with no other living creature." In addition the singer has the "Sharon marker," The Onion says, and that means he is "predisposed to shuffle about shouting 'Sharon!' The fact that subject is married to a person of this name is a statistically improbable coincidence."