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Nobody does humor better than the Onion, so GTO will simply defer and give you this first couple paragraphs of an article from the satire news crew about how unemployed stem cell biologists pass the time:

A team of three out-of-work stem cell biologists announced Monday that, after four weeks of rigorous observation and field testing, the evidence conclusively shows that chief researcher Dr. Henry Rogers' dog Franklin likes beer.

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University of Virginia researchers are exploring a genetic risk test to gauge type 1 diabetes risk, NPR reports.

In PNAS this week: researchers compare two high-grade neuroendocrine lung cancers, height among ancient Europeans, and more.

In PLOS this week: preconception carrier screening program results, comparative genomics-based analysis of Elizabethkingia meningoseptica, and more.

Canadian regulators are beginning to share information from new drug studies, Undark reports.