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Nobody does humor better than the Onion, so GTO will simply defer and give you this first couple paragraphs of an article from the satire news crew about how unemployed stem cell biologists pass the time:

A team of three out-of-work stem cell biologists announced Monday that, after four weeks of rigorous observation and field testing, the evidence conclusively shows that chief researcher Dr. Henry Rogers' dog Franklin likes beer.

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The Guardian reports that Cancer Research UK is cutting its research funding by £44 million.

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