Nobody does humor better than the Onion, so GTO will simply defer and give you this first couple paragraphs of an article from the satire news crew about how unemployed stem cell biologists pass the time:

A team of three out-of-work stem cell biologists announced Monday that, after four weeks of rigorous observation and field testing, the evidence conclusively shows that chief researcher Dr. Henry Rogers' dog Franklin likes beer.

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The New York City medical examiner is overseeing an effort to identify missing persons using DNA, according to the Associated Press.

Nobel laureate Günter Blobel has died at 81, the New York Times reports.

In PNAS this week: mouse model of genetically induced emphysema, gene expression signatures of circulating melanoma cells, and more.

Technology Review reports that 2017 was the year of consumer genetic testing and that it could spur new analysis companies.