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It's a good time for some end-of-the-week humor, and our favorite satirical publication, The Onion, delivers. Since there's no point trying to one-up them on humor, we'll just give you the opening line and encourage you to check out the rest of the article:

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Politico reports that the NYPD DNA database has grown since it announced it would be removing profiles from it.

Forbes reports that a structural biology lab at Oxford University studying the coronavirus was hacked.

Science reports that a Dutch research funding agency is combating a ransomware attack.

In Science this week: set of 64 haplotype assemblies from 32 individuals, and more.