Abel Pharmboy woke up depressed; today is the 19th anniversary of his dissertation defense, and wonders how he ever got through it. His perception of his performance that day ("I was a blithering idiot during my oral exam.") is much different from others' ("Several of my friends, and those who were not exactly friends, said it was the best talk I ever gave."). Considering the anguish, self-doubt, and altered states of perception that come with getting a PhD, he wonders if it's even worth celebrating.