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Chuck Norris Beats Science into Submission

The internet is rife with facts attesting to martial arts master Chuck Norris', well, Chuck Norris-ness ("Chuck Norris once drew a triangle with four sides"). Alan Marnett at BenchFly now brings us some new "facts" about Norris' life as a "super-human" scientist. For example, Marnett writes:

Chuck Norris' mitochondria use a roundhouse pump.
Chuck Norris took the uncertainty out of Heisenberg's principle.
Chuck Norris' high-throughput screening hit rate is 100 percent.
Chuck Norris misunderstood the meaning of "Defending his PhD." 72 people died.
Chuck Norris doesn't feed his cultures, they run on fear. ...
Chuck Norris doesn't use buffers, he just tells the pH to stay.
Chuck Norris can read papers without looking at them.

Daily Scan wants to know, how would Chuck Norris rock your lab bench?

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