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Ye of the Lazy DNA



It was a very good day at GT headquarters when we stumbled across a website promising to activate your DNA (because, after all, you only use 3 percent of it) to help you improve your life. The best part: specialists can perform the activation remotely, so all you have to do is send in your money and wait to become a better version of you. We figured you wouldn't believe us, so here are some highlights from a few sites we found:

'Dormant Superhuman Abilities'

At DNA Perfection, you'll find loads of reading material explaining that there are really 12 strands of DNA — we only use two of them, and the rest "have been dormant since the beginning of recorded history." (Just think of all the extra sequencing work there will be!) Add to that the sad fact that we only use 3 percent of those two strands (hey, that's scientific fact, people), and you can see why "we live in a society where people are sick, unhappy, stressed out, create wars, have difficulty experiencing love, and are totally disconnected with the universe."

But don't worry! DNA Perfection can activate your 10 dormant strands of DNA, enabling you to become "a multi-dimensional being with psychic, telepathic, and manifestation abilities beyond anything you've ever dreamed of."

Among those many abilities will be the capacity to reverse your own aging, be immune to all diseases, and — our personal favorite — "create your own ideal physical body."

'Activation of Your Light Body'

Like DNA Perfection, DNA Ascension promises to turn on all those dormant strands of DNA — but this time you can get to a total of 24 strands, instead of just 12. It's a two-step process, though, because your spiritual advisor has to activate the first 12 strands before moving on to the next 12. (We assume this has absolutely nothing to do with making you pay twice.)

Double payment or not, the benefits of having 24 active strands of DNA are clear. According to the website, this process will awaken "your full power and potential" and let you experience "a greater connection with your higher self."

'Sound Healing/ Transformation'

While the other websites rely on an activation process that can be done remotely, Activate Your DNA takes a different tack: if you buy this package, you'll get music "soundscapes" that will activate your DNA as you listen. (Perhaps you should avoid doing this while driving.)

This site says that "your DNA contains the blueprint for the potential of your unfolding divinity." DNA, it says, is like fiber optic cable that connects you to "the World and to the Universal Matrix of Energy." We sure hope that energy isn't petro-based.

The Scan

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Investigators find a diagnostic edge for whole-genome sequencing, while highlighting the cost advantages and improving diagnostic rate of exome sequencing in EJHG.

Researchers Retrace Key Mutations in Reassorted H1N1 Swine Flu Virus With Avian-Like Features

Mutations in the acidic polymerase-coding gene boost the pathogenicity and transmissibility of Eurasian avian-like H1N1 swine influenza viruses, a PNAS paper finds.

Genome Sequences Reveal Evolutionary History of South America's Canids

An analysis in PNAS of South American canid species' genomes offers a look at their evolutionary history, as well as their relationships and adaptations.

Lung Cancer Response to Checkpoint Inhibitors Reflected in Circulating Tumor DNA

In non-small cell lung cancer patients, researchers find in JCO Precision Oncology that survival benefits after immune checkpoint blockade coincide with a dip in ctDNA levels.