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Ye of the Lazy DNA

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It was a very good day at GT headquarters when we stumbled across a website promising to activate your DNA (because, after all, you only use 3 percent of it) to help you improve your life. The best part: specialists can perform the activation remotely, so all you have to do is send in your money and wait to become a better version of you. We figured you wouldn't believe us, so here are some highlights from a few sites we found:

'Dormant Superhuman Abilities'
dnaperfection.com

At DNA Perfection, you'll find loads of reading material explaining that there are really 12 strands of DNA — we only use two of them, and the rest "have been dormant since the beginning of recorded history." (Just think of all the extra sequencing work there will be!) Add to that the sad fact that we only use 3 percent of those two strands (hey, that's scientific fact, people), and you can see why "we live in a society where people are sick, unhappy, stressed out, create wars, have difficulty experiencing love, and are totally disconnected with the universe."

But don't worry! DNA Perfection can activate your 10 dormant strands of DNA, enabling you to become "a multi-dimensional being with psychic, telepathic, and manifestation abilities beyond anything you've ever dreamed of."

Among those many abilities will be the capacity to reverse your own aging, be immune to all diseases, and — our personal favorite — "create your own ideal physical body."

'Activation of Your Light Body'
mydnaactivation.com

Like DNA Perfection, DNA Ascension promises to turn on all those dormant strands of DNA — but this time you can get to a total of 24 strands, instead of just 12. It's a two-step process, though, because your spiritual advisor has to activate the first 12 strands before moving on to the next 12. (We assume this has absolutely nothing to do with making you pay twice.)

Double payment or not, the benefits of having 24 active strands of DNA are clear. According to the website, this process will awaken "your full power and potential" and let you experience "a greater connection with your higher self."

'Sound Healing/ Transformation'
activateyourdna.com

While the other websites rely on an activation process that can be done remotely, Activate Your DNA takes a different tack: if you buy this package, you'll get music "soundscapes" that will activate your DNA as you listen. (Perhaps you should avoid doing this while driving.)

This site says that "your DNA contains the blueprint for the potential of your unfolding divinity." DNA, it says, is like fiber optic cable that connects you to "the World and to the Universal Matrix of Energy." We sure hope that energy isn't petro-based.

The Scan

Push Toward Approval

The Wall Street Journal reports the US Food and Drug Administration is under pressure to grant full approval to SARS-CoV-2 vaccines.

Deer Exposure

About 40 percent of deer in a handful of US states carry antibodies to SARS-CoV-2, according to Nature News.

Millions But Not Enough

NPR reports the US is set to send 110 million SARS-CoV-2 vaccine doses abroad, but that billions are needed.

PNAS Papers on CRISPR-Edited Cancer Models, Multiple Sclerosis Neuroinflammation, Parasitic Wasps

In PNAS this week: gene-editing approach for developing cancer models, role of extracellular proteins in multiple sclerosis, and more.